You might be a liberal if... - Jay Maynard

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Friday, 15 August 2008


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0936 - You might be a liberal if...

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong, except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

location: 56031
current mood: [mood icon] calm

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:damsel_ophelia
Date: - 0000
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Heh...the interesting thing is, the further we get into this election cycle the more I see just how conservative I am. And if I hear ONE MORE WORD about the invisible knapsack I am going to puke.

You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.
ROFLMAOPMP


[User Picture]
From:jmaynard
Date: - 0000
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...PMP?
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From:damsel_ophelia
Date: - 0000
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peeing my pants
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From:athelstan
Date: - 0000
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*sighs* Some of these are true, but what's a moderate, socially liberal, fiscally conservative person to do? Giggle at both sides I guess. :-P
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From:vakkotaur
Date: - 0000
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Pretty much. If you can still manage to laugh all the nonsense of the lot of them.
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From:dragonbec
Date: - 0000
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That pretty much describes me too, and most of my friends! Fiscally conservative, socially liberal. I want smaller/less government which used to mean republican but I dont want to be lumped in with the religious right extremists due to my more socially liberal views.

Technically my views probably fall in the definition of a moderate libertarian, though I am not in with the extremists of that party who think there should be no schools or libraries.

Eh, it all just frustrates me.
[User Picture]
From:athelstan
Date: - 0000
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Yeah, the extreme libertarians ruin it for me as well. I really want a moderate party that works for compromise and to get things done. I'm also up with bureaucrats and down with politicians. We need the right government, and not less government.

Now I'm just jibbering now. I'll be quiet.
From:seeds_of_peace
Date: - 0000
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sounds more ron paulish to me ;)
[User Picture]
From:foolscap001
Date: - 0000
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"...I am not in with the extremists of that party who think there should be no schools or libraries."

I don't think any libertarian says that. Now, if you limit it to "there should be no schools or libraries funded by money seized by the coercive force of government," quite a few libertarians would agree with you, me included.
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From:kazriko
Date: - 0000
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Out here in the west we have a saying...

Don't let school get in the way of your education.

We don't believe there should be no schools or libraries, we just don't think that the government should be regulating them or forcing people to pay for them who aren't using them nor deciding they want to pay for them. ;) Nearly every problem with how lousy our education system is compared to the rest of the world stems from the politicizing and centralization of education caused by the government being involved.

We also believe in competition being the best way to keep schools efficient and affordable. Public schools are outrageously expensive for what students get out of them, Charter schools take nearly any child and educate them better than public schools for a fraction of the cost. Why? Because they go out of business if they don't do a good job when compared to the public schools.
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From:slysquirrel
Date: - 0000
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Totally awesome. *claps*
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From:ekatarina
Date: - 0000
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I would likely be defined as "liberal" in the US but I am not offended by the list. It shows at lot of rediculous exaggeration made on all sides.

Heck, in my province the elected "Liberals" are one of the most right-wing parties we have ever had, and the federal "Liberals" are very centrist these days.

Ekatarina
[User Picture]
From:zodidj
Date: - 0000
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stealing this. thanks!

and I am not a conservative or a liberal. I am a Curmugion
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From:pndc
Date: - 0000
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Pfft. I'm middle-to-left wing by British standards - just look who I work for - and most certainly left wing by American standards, but I don't identify with any of the statements you have there. What does that make me?
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From:jmaynard
Date: - 0000
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Sensible, I guess.
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From:foolscap001
Date: - 0000
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Actually one of those isn't quite accurate; the hard core leftists are positive that the mainstream media lean to the right.
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From:nathew
Date: - 0000
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yes, because the left-wing media NEVER let stories like jeremiah wright get out ;)

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